Have you ever thought about going to therapy? Have you ever had a mind blockage about something, been angry at someone or something, or can't forgive someone in your life?
I'll tell you my story before I explain how I feel about therapy. I am a person with a type A personality and this means that I'm competitive, self-critical, have a high work involvement, prone to stress and burning out, and I'm a multi-tasker. This also means I will most likely be successful, a leader, and very decisive.
With a slightly less than perfect childhood and the drive to get into professional school, stress became a very common thing in my life. I used the stress to motivate me to keep going and to never give up. When I got into veterinary school, I was ecstatic, nothing could stop me, they chose ME, ME out of 1,000 other applicants, they liked ME.
(Coating ceremony for vet school freshman)
This enthusiasm faded through the first year of veterinary school and my life quickly became very unbalanced. This unbalance was VERY reflective in my relationships. During the hardest year of veterinary school, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years and moved out of our apartment. Five days later, one of my best friends and classmate committed suicide and I found him. All of a sudden, I was flooded with emotions that I could not understand or deal with. I couldn't help myself and I felt like my only option was to give up, but then I found therapy (and beach body!!!).
Now, don't get me wrong, before all of this I was the one who didn't believe in depression, anxiety, or any type of therapy. I had a series of horrible experiences with social workers as a child and I told myself I would never go back to any kind of therapy, that it was all stupid and it would never benefit me. I thought anxiety was for people who couldn't deal with stress, for the weak people, and I couldn't have been more wrong. I would never take back my experience or what I went through because my eyes have been opened to a whole new part of this world, a whole new kind of struggle. I hope that one day I can help someone else who is facing similar challenges.
Today, I went to therapy and said good bye to my therapist after 8 months of once a week sessions. I could type for days about my experiences over the past 8 months, but it wouldn't help anyone else because therapy is a very personal experience. It was a rocky road and it was NOT easy, but what do they say about things that aren't easy?? They are the most rewarding, and it's true. Today I have changed into a person I'm proud of, I understand myself and why I react to emotions the way I do, I stopped hating myself and the mistakes I've made in the past, I forgive myself, and I have forgiven all of those in my life that I was angry with. I've learned that anger is not a real emotion, it's what comes out instead of the confusing emotions your brain cannot understand. You should never settle for anger, you should dig further.
So thank you to my most amazing therapist for helping me to believe in myself and see that there is more to life than my competitive nature. I feel like I owe you the world. I'm really sad today because I feel like I lost a very close friend. The interesting thing about therapy is the relationship you form with your therapist is deep, but professional... You have to say good bye eventually. I have a feeling I will be sending a Christmas card his way in my future though, screw the rules ;)
If you're thinking about going to therapy, here are my small pieces of advice. If the experience or the therapist doesn't feel right to you, don't give up, search for a new therapist. Picking a therapist is alot like dating, some personalities can help each other and some cannot. DON'T give up, someone out there can help you, and you can help yourself by finding them. GIVE it your all, they can only help you as much as you will let them, they can't read your mind, and if you have a bad session, GO BACK. Lastly, DO IT, only GOOD can come from understanding yourself and your emotions better.
This picture of me is honestly happy. I know I will continue to struggle when things get tough, life is tough. But it is so refreshing to know where to get the help I need and to know I can handle anything brought my way!
